Should Marvin Fernandez Forgive Boyet Fajardo?

Of all the things that people can give away for free, forgiveness is the most difficult of all. It's just not something that anyone could easily bestow because it goes against human nature. After all, to forgive is to exonerate, to pardon, to absolve. Once you forgive someone, you release their responsibility to you. Now, Boyet Fajardo is asking Marvin Fernandez to forgive him. Should Marvin do it?

If you don't know what the fuss is all about yet, Boyet Fajardo is a Filipino fashion designer. He designs and sells clothes for a living. His designs are sold at Robinsons, Landmark and SM. The labels are 'Initials', 'Substance' and of course, 'Boyet Fajardo'.

He has some considerable but relative fame, having been recognized as a talented designer for a good 20 years. I say 'relative' because outside of the bigger (waaaaayyyyy bigger) circle that truly big shot fashion designers move in, Fajardo is quite simply, a nobody. Or at least, a minor designer. Don't believe me? Try comparing him to people like Giorgio Armani, Karl Lagerfeld, Ralph Lauren and our very own Pitoy Moreno and Inno Sotto. Both men, by the way, have been immortalized by at least two hit Pinoy rock songs. Someone has yet to find Fajardo inspiring.

Marvin Fernandez, on the other hand, works as a cashier at Duty Free Philippines in Paranaque. He was a virtual unknown until the notorious incident. On Friday the 13th of March this year, though, his relative anonymity has changed.

Marvin was manning the cash register when Boyet Fajardo dropped by from the airport. The fashion designer used his credit card to pay for his purchases but since his card was unsigned (an unwise decision, by the way), Marvin asked him for an identification. Boyet allegedly produced an ID card which was again, unsigned.

Marvin, going by his training and the SOP he and his fellow employees are mandated to strictly follow, asked for another ID. This set off a bomb in Fajardo, who proceeded to berate and insult not just Marvin (whom he referred to as a fag) but also one of the lady officers (whom he called fat).

He even threatened to call some politician who, strangely enough, could strip the Duty Free employees of their jobs. Hmmm... interesting. I always thought Filipino politicians were a strange breed, able to dance, sing, sell laundry soaps, skin whitening products and vitamin supplements then shake the dirty, muddy hands of farmers and garbage collectors with a straight face. But for them to actually step in and get someone fired on an offended fashion designer's say so... (insert pregnant pause here)

What followed next was an unbelievable display of sheer arrogance and stupidity on the side of Mr. Fajardo. When the lady officer asked what they could do to rectify the situation, he demanded that Marvin go down on his knees and allow himself to be slapped in the face. What the...!?

Marvin did go down on his knees, which probably calmed down Mr. Fajardo a tiny notch because he did not attempt to slap the young man.

This incident, by the way, occurred on March 13, 2009, Friday the 13th. The video footage was played on national TV on March 23. It was reported on the same date that Mr. Fajardo would be giving his statement the next day.

Sure enough... there it was. A short interview of the designer, pudgy and pasty-faced, telling his side of the story.

I watched Fajardo's televised interview on Tuesday, March 24, aired on ABS-CBN and GMA. According to him, he was tired from the long plane ride and therefore cranky. Anyone who's been on a long plane trip, he says, would've felt like he did -- cranky. I guess... but not everyone would be as stupid as he was to flash an unsigned credit card and throw a hissy fit just because someone asks for ID -- a signed ID.

Then he proceeded to say that he is asking for 'paumanhin' for what happened. And therein lies my bugbear. When you ask for 'paumanhin', it's equivalent to saying 'I'm sorry'. Fair enough... but here's what's really bugging me:

Isn't paumanhin a milder form of patawad? It's the kind of thing you ask for when you've done something that's easily forgivable. Paumanhin is what you ask for when:

- you're late for a meeting
- you can't make it to a wedding
- you spilled wine on someone's shirt
- you have to leave a nice party early

Patawad, on the other hand, is something you ask for when:

- you hurt someone deeply
- you caused someone to experience harm
- you humiliate someone
- you kill someone

Patawad is what you ask for when you need someone's forgiveness.

What Boyet Fajardo should have asked for was not Marvin Fernandez' paumanhin but his patawad. Fajardo's apology was just too little, too late (aired and apparently, only verbalized 11 days after the fact. After the hissy fit he threw was captured on film and shown on TV and a backlash is now theatening to bite him on his a**.

And here's another thing that's bothering me. Fajardo is publicly airing an apology to someone whose name he doesn't even know. On the ABS-CBN interview, Fajardo says, 'Marvin Hernandez'. On the GMA interview, he says, 'Marvin Gonzales'. Again, what the...?! Is this deliberate? C'mon! You've already shamed the poor young man already, you could at least have the basic decency to remember his name and say it right. Or is this your stinking pride talking out of your lipgloss-slathered mouth?

Second, when you apologize, at least be remorseful about it. Fajardo's statement on TV doesn't show a person who is sorry because he did something wrong. It shows a person who's sorry because he got caught doing it. It's good PR to do the obligatory mea culpa on Tv because it helps provide some form of cover for your dirty deed.

So should Marvin Fernandez forgive the man who humiliated him? Would you forgive someone who treated you like crap without even knowing who you are as a person? Would you forgive someone who humiliated you in public just because you were doing your job? Would you forgive someone who was so full of his own crap that he couldn't see beyond his own limitations? Would you forgive someone who turned you into little more than a slave just because you didn't recognize his relative importance? Would you forgive someone who didn't even bother to get your name right?

Well, Marvin... it really is all up to you. Just remember this: Boyet Fajardo did not apologize to Marvin Fernandez -- he apologized to Marvin Hernandez and Marvin Gonzales. Should anyone at all insist that you find it in your heart to forgive Boyet Fajardo, remember that he did not apologize to you. He apologized to another guy. Read more on this article...